It’s almost 2019…

Those who carry the BRCA mutation most likely identify with what it feels like to be in a pressure cooker.  TICK TOCK TICK TOCK, time to get your ovaries out!  You’ve probably had your mastectomy already, so let’s put an end to what being BRCA is all about.

gray double bell clock

In less than a year I turn 40.  BRCA carriers know exactly what that means.  Some in the medical community even recommend BRCA carriers get their ovaries removed by 35.  But what if you’re not done having children?  Has your time run out?

I’ve spoken in prior posts about the struggle young women face when deciding to have their ovaries removed at a fairly young age.  Some women are as young as early to mid-twenties based on their family/cancer history.  They’ve most likely frozen their eggs prior to any treatment or surgery (an unfortunate necessity filled with many mixed emotions I’m sure). It must be very tough knowing the only way you’ll possibly conceive is through IVF, and there’s really no control over the amount of viable eggs they’ll be able to retrieve.

I look at all these young, strong, brave women who face the unfortunate fate of having to take a certain path and feel extremely lucky to have conceived my son naturally.  Cancer and the BRCA gene has taken away a lot from my family and I, but we have my son who is an amazing blessing, especially given the complexity of the last few years.

We have been trying to conceive naturally again for the last 9 months with no luck.  Of course it’s heartbreaking and another loss on top of everything else we’ve endured, but now that 2018 is coming to an end, I’ve struggled with the fact that it’s probably time to let go and focus on our future.  Our future is most likely a family of 3, which is more than what many others have.  I can drive myself crazy asking “Why?” and “What if?”.  There’s really no point in doing so because we’ll never know why we haven’t been able to conceive naturally again and decisions were made not to pursue IVF for various reasons.

So after much heartache and struggle, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be “ok” with this and let go, be thankful for what we have, and know that while the pressure of being BRCA with a looming oophorectomy totally sucks and certainly not ideal for baby making, I am more fortunate than many others.  I am cancer free and have a beautiful, healthy almost 3 year old son.

img_0284

This chapter is coming to a close and I am ok with moving onto the next.  Til next time my fellow BRCA warriors.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s